Cheering when people fail- Real friends don't give backhanded compliments

Today I was ecstatic to find out that I have three people visiting and reading my blog. I was informed by an acquaintance friend. I say acquaintance because it's not like we hang out at Jean or Jude's or anything like that.  After I was announcing on my facebook that I've reached 6879 blog visitors in just a few years and that I was going to have a contest to celebrate my success of my blog as well as my inventing endeavor by hosting a contest and giving out a Turbo Tube to the lucky winner. The Turbo Tube will be sent in a special limited wood collectors box and signed. The winner will be the first to receive the Turbo Tube before it's end of September release date. More details of the contest will be posted here. I will be setting up a facebook event page for people who want to participate in the contest so the three people that have been visiting here please stay tuned for more details. Actually according to the facebook acquaintance there is only three visitors visiting if you exclude me it's two.

Actually I think I may have one or two other visitors but this acquaintance seems to know more about my blog then I do so I'll just take his word for it. So let me think now if I got this right. If I only have three visitors and I divide  6879 by 3 that comes down to 2293 visits that each of us make, but since it's my blog the number of times I visit my blog doesn't really count so that means you guys have visited a total of 49395 times a piece and based on how many blog posts I have you guys have spent several hundred hours of your precious time reading my blog. Thank you! The both of you are dedicated fans!  The total number of times  according to the acquaintance and the other visitor that gave a facebook "Like" when the acquaintance said "That's us three visiting the blog over and over and over again."  would again like to thank you. You see It's not about being famous, doing a Live Vegas show,  being the highlight act at a resort or having your own theatre. It's about being right here on this blog and making a difference. This is my home and I don't need to inspire thousands at a time. Just two at a time. 

So enough of that nonsense! I would like to open this blog on the discussion of "Cheering when people fail" and "Real friends don't give backhanded compliments"

Have you ever had a situation where you were given backhanded compliments?
Such encounters may include sarcasm, shifting blame, saying one thing while meaning another to name a few. For instance, I used to know a co-worker who was very skilled at giving back-handed compliments such as "You look great! You must be doing something different" as well as sarcasm disguised as a compliment "Oh, I hear you've managed to pull off another miracle." The problem with these kinds of comments is that if you try to confront them about the insult, you will be accused of not understanding, "I didn't mean it that way" or of misinterpreting, "I'm just trying to toughen you up and make you stronger." As a result, you end up looking like the bad guy, feeling frustrated, and asking yourself, "Am I crazy?" And the other person walks away blameless. This in actuality is a form of underlined bullying as well as some insecurity issues.


A few weeks ago I went to Abbott's Magic get Together. I was going because I wanted to compete in a magic competition. When I first arrived in Colon, Michigan for the event, I wanted to check out the school where the tech crew was turning the gym into a theatre. I was going  so I could get a better idea of where to place my tables and props.

I immediately recognized a acquaintance. He said "So are you going to be doing your Imaginator stuff?" while asking he had his tongue half sticking out and his teeth slightly biting on it followed by a snide smile. I just continued walking and measuring the stage with my feet followed by "No! I'm just going as myself."

Later on that day I visited the school to use the restroom since I was camping outside of the school I needed to use the facility. I stopped in the gym to ask someone where the bathroom was and I was approached by (I won't say his name) and he said "LOOK! I know your worried about the contest, but...." I didn't even let him finish I just said "I was just asking where the bathroom is." the man was just silent afterwards.  As I was making my way to the bathroom the acquaintance and I ran into each other again and had a short conversation. Or was it?  Come to think of it the only part of the conversation was "Ya! I think I'm the only one that watches your videos." Some how in this magicians mind he thinks that this is a compliment. This is no compliment, this is a backhanded compliment and so the 27 views my video, was really him visiting  27 times? I guess if I still lived at home I would have plenty of time as well. 

 Dang! all I wanted was to measure the friggin stage and use the bathroom. I'm a fanatic when it comes to that stuff. I like to know exactly where I'll be standing and where my props will be. Yes I didn't win, but I'm that much closer to being organized and having my act together.


I don't know why magic seems like it's so ego driven. Is it just me? In the entire 40 years I've been doing magic I can count about twenty times or more that magicians will say "I'm not friends with any magicians. Magicians are %&#wholes. So apparently if all these twenty or so magicians think the same thing then I must be  %&#whole! So heck we are all %&#wholes.


So why does every effect, execution, move, slight, performance, photo, website, business card, or thought.....always have to be jugged, scrutinized, compared, torn up, belittled or backhanded?
My theory is insecurity, ego and most important jealously. I would like to say however that it isn't all like this in the magic community. There are some genuine supporters of the craft and will go out of there way to help, but in must cases it's difficult to find these type of places or people that offer more positive help from one another.

People that are jealous want to see you fail and whether you're a successful lawyer, singer or magician there will always be someone to try to break you. These are mostly people that think that they are on a higher pedestal then everyone else and try to remind you how good they are by constantly putting you down along with everything you do. So what can we do to change it? Not really much. People are people. Even the best of the best get hatters and backhanded compliments from there piers, competition or even fans.

The thing we can do however is to be compassionate, understanding and mostly supportive of one another. Could you imagine what our magic community would be like if we just started shifting gears and instead of talking down, belittling and backhanding, we start to be more positive. I bet our art would take off like you could never imagine. I'm guilty of it too, but my actions only come to the ones that initiate it. I don't like feeding into the negative energy, but sometimes you just get sucked in and the next thing you know you're playing there game of hate, jealousy and who they can rip into to make them feel better about their own short comings.


These jealous people that give these backhanded compliments are
passive aggressive people that take genuine pleasure in frustrating others. They are masters at getting others to act out their angry feelings--to explode and appear crazy--while the passive aggressive person sits back and watches the emotional outburst with satisfaction, total control, and always with their own poise intact.

The best way to recognize passive-aggressive behavior is by analyzing the process and purpose of the behavior. Typically, as the purpose is to control and/or deflect responsibility for anger, the passive-aggressive behavior causes frustration or anger in the recipient and will escalate conflict unless the recipient handles it passively by swallowing, ignoring, or discounting their anger. Yet, if the purpose is to escalate conflict, the passive-aggressive behavior is calculated to cause the recipient to act unreasonably.

Here is a great example of a pass aggressive person.
For example, a father conveys the subtle message of "I don't think you're capable" by taking on a task to do it right, "Here, let me help you cut that out" as he takes over the child's school project. When the child states "I can do it myself" the father keeps working on the project "I know you can. I'm just helping. Now doesn't that look better?" If the child should protest angrily, "You don't think I can do it right!" the father might respond "Of course I do. I was just helping. You are so ungrateful!" 
In this situation, the father has escalated the situation to cause the child to become angry and then to criticize the child for being angry. This teaches the child that her emotions are unacceptable as well as that her father doesn't believe she is capable. Over time the child learns to not trust her own perceptions of reality.

These same kind of example can overflow into the magic community and cause all kinds of false insecurities and for WHAT? just to make one feel better about themselves. It's grown up bullying is what it is. 

Lately I've been wondering why I have been putting so much thought and energy into these challenges that I've been experiencing  You might be asking yourself the same thing.

My conclusion is that if we don't start expressing ourselves and supporting one another in the magic community,  were &^%$@#! Our art is already dying. Even woman in the magic community are getting frustrated at being looked at as sex objects, box jumpers or how many woman the magician has slept with.  How many times has a magician booked a theatre in town and packed the place?
Not to often and if they did kudos for them. When we start building each other, helping each other our whole magic atmosphere and attitude will change. The public will pick up on that positive energy and the market will take off. This is a premonition that I have so if it comes true, it's documented here.

Now I'm not just talking the magic community growing a little. I'm talking HUGE! way before our time huge. So big that we will actually have our own city, not like Las Vegas, but bigger, cleaner and all family oriented. In this city there will be several theaters as well as living quarters for the magicians/entertainers. Magic will be everywhere. You will see restaurants rotate into theaters and circuses. The magic city will be on a island connecting to Copperfield Bay where you have to take a magic wand shaped submarine to get there. It will shoot you down a huge clear pvc pipe where you will see the lost magic city of Doug Henning.   I have many more visions and ideas for the biggest magic attraction in the world, but will it happen? maybe together we can build it.

Like  I said earlier. Maybe my purpose in life isn't to be some famous magician at a flashy Las Vegas show or resort. Maybe this is my purpose. To share my gift and inspire others.
This is America! the land of DREAMS and Opportunity and I'm living that DREAM right here two blog visitors at a time. 
 
This part here is my religious belief of how sharing our gifts and talents is important.  
If you do not believe in God or Jesus please don't read further. If you're a Atheist or have another religion that you believe in other then Christian please feel free to post your thoughts and beliefs in the comment area of this blog. i don't claim that my religion is better then anyone else's . It's my faith and it's what I believe in. Our beliefs effect one another and work hand in hand with supporting  one another and whatever religion you may be we all still have something in common. We breath the same air and our actions effect the outcome of everything. Even a magician just trying to do the right thing. To entertain and bring MAGIC to the WORLD that really needs it.

One person, two blog visitors at a time.

-Imaginator-

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:10 NIV)

"You are a manager of the gifts God has given to you. They may be great or small in your eyes, but they matter to God. "Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful" (1 Corinthians 4:2 NIV"