As we come into the 2023 new year, I reflect back on some of my social media posts and realize how easy it can be to be venerable and open yourself up to the world. From personal things going on my life to simply posting where I'll be performing my magic publicly.
Taking a step back and weaning of social media for the past several months has been helpful and healthy for me. It helps me focus more on my priorities and goals. A few things I have learned while taking a break is how disconnected we really are. It's funny how people can have hundreds, perhaps thousands of friends on social media, yet when it comes down to the bones of it, friends that are there for you in real time can be very minimal. We are in the age of having more digital friends than real life in person friends.
It can have such a disconnect feeling. Especially when you get into the whole texting culture. I'm still trying to figure that out. I can't tell you how many times that I've reached out to people in a text and got absolutely no reply. I guess they call that "GHOSTING" It's funny how that has become the new norm. I guess I'm different because if someone texts me, I respond. I just think that out of respect, it's the right thing to do. If someone is taking the time to text you, I think it's only fear to give them their time back by responding.
These are just some of the thoughts and experiences that go through my head. At the same time, this form of communicating can be very telling of where you fit with friends. If you're at the top of their list of importance, they will respond back in a timely matter. If you're not, they simply won't respond. Hence the word "GHOSTING." So I guess in a way, it at least gives you that benefit of knowing who your friends are and who you can rely on as a friend.
IGNORING is the NEW NORM.
Here's a scenario that's far more common in my life than I care to admit: I text one of my friends asking if they'd like to meet for brunch or dinner, and the text just hangs there, unanswered for days. When I finally bring attention to the unanswered text, I get a reply saying that they are busy and that they sometimes don't even respond to their sister or other family members, yet I've always seen this friend on the phone, at work, on break and what not. In my opinion, if you have time to be on the phone, looking at pictures and watching videos, than there should be time to simply take 10 seconds out to respond to someone.
Again! back to your importance in ones life and if they value you as a friend or just a digital trophy that gets placed on the shelf and collect dust.
This is something I should just accept it, RightI? According to Dr. Jean Twenge, author of Generation Me and a psychology professor at San Diego State University who studies millennial generational trends, ignoring texts is quickly becoming the new norm among my peers. It's devastatingly, but inevitably, becoming standard. It seems like it was more of a millennial thing, but as I observe older people in my generation texting, they seem to be sinking into the millennial norm as well. You know, that trance look when they are immersed in the phone, you can see the reflection of the phone in their face, they're typing fast as if it's their last breath.
I'm still trying to figure out how people can text and move their fingers so fast. Is there something I can take for that? Some sort of texting pill that will make my fingers move fast? JOKING!
According to Twenge, Not answering texts can also be a narcissistic trait, and those higher views of ourselves can come at the expense of others. Holding out for a better option, a classic move among friends, "is not always a kind way to behave. You're not really taking the other person's perspective, thinking what is it like for that other person to wait.
The waiting can be devastating and irritating to people. Actually, at least for me. I've always been proactive about making plans and confronting problems that are eating at me. But over the last few years, after having countless texts ignored, both important and mundane, business or personal. I've just given up. People aren't going to respond no matter how frustrating it is to me, and I don't expect them to anymore. But it still hurts—and I'm not the only person affected by it, according to Dr. Twenge, who says it's "crazy-making."
Being ignored gives you a sense of social rejection combined with that awful feeling of waiting, which can cause anxiety in most people. Since the waiting lasts forever, it gives people time to ruminate, what Twenge describes as one of the "one of the biggest risk factors for depression. Thinking and reflecting things over and over in your head." We question the rejection, if our text was even sent, if that person even really likes us. If the trend continues, increased rates of depression, Twenge believes, "is our biggest psychological risk."
This isn't only a risk for the younger generation, but for our society as a whole. I don't think it's going to change. Either you're with the texting culture to you're not. I don't see anything changing anytime soon, but there does seem to be a push back with people wanting more. More than just a digital friend. Someone that they can actually be with, see, feel and hear, talk to, rely on. Not just a face mask for your social media friends, but a real person.
I tend to be a very transparent person, real, genuine, not fake. I watched a youtube video not too long ago and they were taking about how vulnerability is out of fashion and narcissist behavior is the new hip, normal thing. If that's true, I don't want any part of it. Even if it does mean being alone. At lease I have my heart, my morals and myself. When you love yourself, you don't need validation. You can validate yourself. Many people can't do that. I'm working on it. Working hard. Taking a social network sabbatical really does make a difference.
I would like to close with this. Think about how your texting habits are. Do you respond to people who take the time to text you? Or are they just on a friend harom shelf where they are sitting, waiting for you to take them off the shelf and play with them?
Think about how you would want to be treated. Then again, if the trend is gravitating toward narcissist, it won't bother them if people don't respond. Unless of course your one of the few special people that are left behind. Left with the wisdom, power and knowledge of what truly matters in life. Real people, real friends. Going people the attention and respect that you would want.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. For me, taking a break from social media has been great medicine for me as well as healthy.
Social media can be great, but at the same time you can easily forget who you are.
Best,
Mark Presley
Magician
1 comment:
So true, nicely written
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