Sometimes I feel like I'm being influenced by God with this blog. Everyday I pray that somehow I can use my gift/talent to inspire other people. It's such a great feeling to help people and make them feel good about themselves and inspire them use their gift. Yesterday I had a hard time trying to come up with a story for my blog. I went to the post office to do some of my mailings. I was unloading about 25 or so mailing trays in the dock when suddenly out of nowhere I belted out a "This is How We Do IT- by Montell Jordan"
I caught the attention to Denise. She works in the dock for the United States Postal Service. She said "Wow! I didn't know you and do magic and sing and when you sang it was so effortless. Why aren't you on American Idol or something?" I was deeply flattered and we struck up a conversation. She proceeded to tell me that last night she was watching channel 11 (wttw Chicago) last night and she got so inspired. She said, "I was watching these guys called the "Tenors" I
I was so moved by them. I tell you I'm getting goose bumps just talking about it. After hearing them I immediately went online and ordered the cd." she said. I explained to her that this was exactly what I'm trying to do with my blog, magic etc...I'm trying to inspire people to go for their dreams . I asked if Denise if she had any talents or gifts that she has. She told me she used to be a artist.
She used to love art and her kids always tell her that she should go back to school. I chimed in and told her that she should. She looked very sad and in a very sad and insecure tone she said. "Well! I had a hard school life. I wasn't good in school and then years later after high school I got the postal job here and then the managers here would just rip into you for anything they could. Make you feel small and insecure. So now, I don't know. I just don't think I'm good."
I felt deeply saddened about how these people brought her down and broke her. They are nothing but bullies. People who do this usually don't feel good about themselves so they have to use other people's inadqaucies to feel better about themselves. Isn't that right Roland Hennig? Master at negative blogging and lashing out at magicians to make himself look better. VERY WEAK!
Instead of facing their fears the have to direct their attention to other people and make them feel week. Instead of trying to go out and succeed by doing something great they succeed by the expense of other people. I know exactly how this feels and it's so terrible when people are like that.
I remember in high school being terribly bullied by two boys in my science glass. One guy named Robert anther was Jerry. Everyday terrible things being said. Bad terrible names, kicking in the back of my chair constantly throwing things. Then bragging about what a great skier he is. The sure sign of a BULLY! They RIP into you! Bring you down and then talk themselves up. It got so bad that I even had suicidal thoughts. Then I thought! Why should I give up to some insecure bully asswhole. Please pardon the swearing. Sometimes other words just aren't as strong.
I could of taken the easy road and lashed out by doing drugs, stealing, getting into fights and perhaps ending up in jail or prison. But that's not me. For some reason I was given the gift to be strong and keep going no matter how hard it may be. You have to make your own path. Not the one people make for you or that path people expect you to go. That's what you have to do in LIFE. MAKE YOUR OWN PATH. LIKE FOREST GUMP. He didn't give up. He became the best at everything he did.
Little did I know that all these challenges were merrily a prep, a test to prepare me later on in life. I could of taken the easy road and lashed out, but I saw the value and wonderful gifts I had. And even at a early age a dreamed of doing great inspirational things. My fate as a kid was already chosen. It just took me most of my life to find. One day after three years of the bullies in my class I snapped one day. I turned around and said "Why the fuck are you guys always messing with me? You want to go outside?" I was so angry. Their look on their face was nothing, but shock and the fear of witnessing someone snapping right before their eyes. After that they never messed with me again. They probably had no idea that the years they were bothering me that I was going through terrible pain and loneliness because of my dad's loos from when I was 9 years old. Kids just don't think about those things.
I really despised high school. I couldn't wait to get out. I had no intention of going to reunions. If I didn't fit in in high school why should it change. Have you ever noticed that kids that bully in high school seem to not change and grow up as a adult still acting the same way? that's what I noticed. Back a few years 2011 0r 2012. I finally got enough nerve to go to my Reunion. It was something I needed to face. I needed to face my fear so I could move on. You'll never guess who I saw there.
That's right "Bob the BULLY!"
except he wasn't with his side kick Jerry. I wonder where he is? Anyway this was going to be even better than I thought. Not only do I get to face my fears of the reunion, but I get to face the classmate that made me almost want to take my life. I decided to be the better man and walk up and introduce myself. A weird thing happened. I noticed his wife and than I did a double take. I realized that this couple goes to Barnaby's (The restaurant I perform close up magic at) with their kids. I said "Hey! why didn't you introduce yourself?" he said "I didn't recognize you." anyway it was a uncomfortable feeling and a feeling of "I'm better then you, why are you talking to me, get out of here kind of feeling.
Do you know what the scary thing is? he's a cop. make me kind of scared of our justice system. There was a study that people that have fears or huge amounts of insecurity issues tend to get jobs that are in powerful positions?
Sorry if I kind of left you in the cold with the "Denise" story. You see a lot of people that feel like they have to be in control of you by bossing, belittling, ripping, bullying.... really have issues with themselves. Maybe perhaps they weren't brought up right or they themselves were bullied.
By the way I never shared that high school suicide story with anyone. Thank GOD I was strong. I would also like to thank my close friends as well as friends that weren't so close for helping me get through. Your friendship has stayed with me all my life even though we any not be friends anymore. Thanks to Doug, Frank, Steve, Ray, Mark I'm sure there is more.
I would just like to end with this. I'm giving very personal information here in hopes that maybe somewhere in the internet world someone out there may need some help or inspiration. People out there may view talking about hardships and challenges as week. IT'S NOT WEEK! What's WEEK is not being able to face your fears and help others to face theirs.
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