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Saturday, January 31, 2015

Where are the Bullies NOW?


This morning when I woke up and was scrolling though my facebook. I came across this video. I thought it had such a strong message and was so thought provoking that I had to share it with you.
Now many of you who have suffered though you school life can relate to the hurtfulness as well as the aftermath of how bullying can effect your entire life. People who didn't have to go through such a horrible, depressed and self worth felling don't understand. To put it in a picture clear understanding. It's like a bulldozer running over your house and smashing it to the ground. The bulldozer leaves and now you're stuck the rest of your life trying to re-build, re-construct and find all the broken pieces and put them back together.

Some pieces we can't even recognize. We pick them up and try to find a place that fits. We grow up and still struggle with the flash backs and echoes of all the hurtful things said and done to us. Some people may say "Get over it!" or t"That was a long time ago. Move on!" these words really don't help or have any motivation to us. It just makes it worse.

The thing that many victims of bullying don't realize is that their are people who love you, and one thing that is hardly ever done is simply telling your mom, dad, brother or sister, or most important your teacher I think these days schools a more pro active when it comes to bullying, but children still have the fear or reporting it because they think it will get worse.

 I had bitter felling toward my high school way after I graduated. Most of my bullying that I endured was do to having ADD and being  a slow learner. I struggled so hard with my academics. It would get frustrating trying to study and not understand a word your reading. Through my elementary and high school life I was going through special edd classes so that they I could get extra help. I hated going there everyday. Imagine all the students in 5th grade being lined up to go to gym. Everyone is walking in a straight line down the school hall. At the end of the hall is a gym, and to the left is another hallway and while everyone is heading down to the gym I have to suddenly veer off to the left to go to the ADD room to get extra help. As I'm leaving the line, kids wonder where I'm going. It doesn't take long before they put the pieces together and realize where I'm going. The rest of the year I now have to deal with chuckles and rude comments as I make that left down the hall. 

In third grade I was in Mrs Schumacher's class, my home room. I was talking to some kid, I can't recollect what it was, but I know I wasn't goofing off. Mrs Scumacher saw that I was talking and so she had me get in front of the class and had me stand inside a garbage can. I will never forget that. I remember my mom (Really my mom was my sister who was my guardian, I call her mom) getting so pissed when she found that out. She gave the teacher an earful and than reported her to the principal. I think that was one of the monumental triumphs that I got to experience in that class.

Looking back now I reflect on that teacher and I wonder how horrible of a teacher she was to even put a student through that. Their is something wrong up there. My sister was a hero. Always there with her fists out and ready to kick some ass. Still, when it comes to bullying people can't be by your side 24/7. So many times we have to just endure the bullying and just deal with what ever comes to us.

I'll never forget my first day in high school. Boy was that scary. I just moved in the northwest suburbs from Chicago. I didn't know a soul. It didn't take long to figure out who the good guys were and who was the assholes. I remember one classmate in particular. His name was Larry Vanhorback. (Not sure if the spelling is right) He was like the leader and the perfect craftsman in BULLY-MANSHIP. He was a real winner! Through my whole life I had to deal with this ass-whole. I had to endure almost for years of not wanting to go to school. Each year when i got my class schedule and think "I hope Larry isn't going to be in my glass this time!" I enter the classroom slowly, I loom around, "Ah! no Larry! I go to my next class, "Dam Larry is in my gym class" Larry walks up and smack me aside my head, walks away laughing and chuckling and feeling like he's on top of the world. GO LARRY!

I'll never forget senior year. Larry and I were yet in another class. We sat next to each other. It was such a invigorating time. One day I came to class with a cold. I was miserable as hell. It was the type of cold where you feel constantly tired and you don't want to talk to anyone. I had my head rested on the desk. Larry said "Oh poor baby! are you sick?" All the sudden my whole entire elementary, high school life of enduring bullying came to a halt. I finally snapped after all these years.

I stood up, looked at Larry, pushed his books off his desk and said "I going to kick your fucking ass! why do you always have to mess with people?" at that moment the teacher interrupted and said. "I wish he would kick your fucking ass!" with that the rest of the class all started to cheer and clap for me. It was a moment that I was proud of myself. I faced my fears and finally stood up for myself. I will never forget that day.

Years later after high school I still had bitterness toward the school and classmates. It wasn't just Larry. I had to deal with two, three dozen Larry's. I never had the desire to go to any of my high school reunions. Until the one year. It was the same year that I made an appearance on WGN TV performing some magic. I went to the class reunion and had a few people approach me, telling me they saw me on tv. It was a great feeling, but at the same time I was still holding in some bitter memories of high school. I guess I thought that if I went to the reunion that it would be some great therapy for me.

The thing that I found interesting was that at the reunion all the same classmates were hanging with the same cliques in high school. I felt like I was literally in high school again. There were groups, cliques of classmates separated from one another and although some made an effort to talk. Many still had the same arrogant personality as in high school. One in particular.  Robbert Libbit, science class 1993-1995. What an asshole that guy was. I contemplated my own life due to that fat ass just to get away. Everyday calling me names. He finally stopped after one day calling him on his own game. Robbert sat behind me, again I snapped after some obscene name calling. I turned around and said "Lets go right now! he looked at me in shock. I never had another problem with Robbert again.

I saw Robberts at the reunion that night and despite my hard feelings. I approached him an introduced myself. The conversation was about as short and cold as running outside the house naked and then running back in. I felt the same presence and asswholemanship as I felt in high school. What's even more interesting is that for years he was coming into the restaurant with his wife and kids where I perform close up magic. I had no idea it was him until I went to the re-union and then recognized him. It's funny the times that I was performing for him and I was picking up on something not right. He didn't even know it was me as well.


So now here I am years later. I do reflect back often, but in a different way. It took me a long time to grow away from those harsh, hurtful, bullying times in my school life. When I look back I feel so grateful that I wasn't one of those bullies. What a horrible feeling that must be. I'm so proud of myself now. I have accomplish so much in my life and I'm so grateful that I have a good head on my shoulders. I have a wonderful family, awesome brothers and sisters and friends who have helped and supported me through the years.

So where are the bullies now. Well hopefully they grew up from their insecurities and diversion of having to bully others so that they can feel better about themselves. I would say that some end up as drug users and in prison. the others may be the ones driving like ass-wholes on the road. tailgating, speeding, cutting people off and even though they are in the wrong they look at you like you're the problem and they are right. It's kind of a disturbing and psychological don;t you think? Other bullies might of some how bullied their way up the workplace and are managers and bosses. These are the ones that really don't give a crap about you. It's all about them looking good and having control. Thank goodness I only had a few of those bosses and managers in my life. The rest of them were very good bosses and managers with a good head on their shoulders.

I feel that for some people that were victims of bullying become even stronger and better people in the long run and hopefully the ones that were bullied don't become the bullier.
We all have our lessons and challenges in life and we have to learn from them. Thank goodness that I had magic through most of my life. It was defiantly a outlet for me. I have climbed so many mountains and now here I am doing remarkable things. I'm leaving in a few months to go to Las Vegas for the "Jeff McBrides Magic Mystery School"  I got a scholarship to attend one of the worlds most prestige magic classes in the world. this will help me hone in on my art and become a even better magician, performer and artist. I can tell you one thing. There won't be any bullying here! just MAGIC!

Here is a video a friend of mine posted. When I watched this video I couldn't help to think of the terrible life this lady must of had growing up.  When people are pounded throughout their life of how the are worthless and no good and that they won't amount to anything, they start to think that and live their lives that way. They live through their lives second guessing themselves and feeling like they are never good enough. When we doubt ourselves we destroy the inside belief of ourselves. The sad thing is many people are very gifted and talented and they don't even know it. I think we as people have to really embrace each other and give support to one another. The chef in this video did just that. Please watch! you will be inspired.

As for the bullies and where are you now? Well all I can say is I'm sorry for you for what ever caused to to act and lash out to people. maybe you gad something in your life that caused to to act that way. We have things in our life that are beyond our control and sometimes as children we are victims of all sorts of horrible things. The very people that we should trust are sometimes the very people that hurt you. You don't have to be a bully. You have a choice to change, love and inspire people.
The change comes within you.
-Imaginator-

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